“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”
Not that I read a great deal of literature on account of being hard pressed on time thanks to completely absorbing nature of my profession; I indeed felt compelled to skim through a couple of pages of this brilliantly written novel, “Fault in our Star” by John Green, when I happen to hear a lot about the book from my Sister as the book is based out of the city where she is studying in the US and read the FB status update of my wife as well in which she quoted this simple but profound quote by the author:
“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.
“Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”
While I am still in the process of reading this novel, I must say that I read some really beautiful quotes that set me thinking about the ironically complex and yet simple nature of human emotions in the context of the challenges that life gifts you in the beautiful cover of hope. This blog is the first in the series of small write-ups on those quotes that inspired me at many levels:
Quote under analysis:
“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”
Is getting hurt a matter of choice? Can you make your word completely fool proof off multiple layers of pain? Can you bubble wrap your fragile emotions? Can you meditate your way off the thorny path of failed expectations? For how long can you anaesthetise yourself to induce deep sleep to avoid the consciousness of the real world pain caused by its crawling tentacles of sharp words, failed expectations; shattered dreams and false hopes? The simple truth is that you are bound to get hurt in this word at some stage in life. There is no escaping. It is futile to imagine and hope otherwise. Weaving a web of illusion of a hurt free world is equivalent to signing up for a lifelong program in dejection.
By no means am I suggesting that the situation is without hope; the hope which matters, the hope which is real; the hope which is liberating and the hope that strengthens. While, I completely agree with the author when he says that you do not get to choose if you get hurt in this world; for getting hurt is inevitable; in my view, his observation that “you do have some say in who hurts you” is the balm to many sores of human existence. While you cannot completely eliminate the possibility of getting hurt, you do indeed have the power within you of reducing the possibility to a very great extent. This statement should set you thinking. Who has the right to hurt me? What situation has the power to hurt me? This analysis will help you figure out who is controlling you at conscious and sub-conscious level. This hurt analysis will help you decode your servile nature for you get that things which controls you have the inherent power to hurt you. Are your relationships controlling you? Is your professional life controlling you? Is your social media image controlling you? When I make the choices of eliminating the possibility of getting hurt, I choose to regain complete freedom from those aspects that has been hitherto controlling me. To being with, it is helpful to make a “No hurt” list. While each person may make his or her list depending on their stage in life, I have a long list of “No hurt choice list” list on account of experiencing too much too soon in my life span of 31 years (soon to be).
My no hurt choice list is as follows:
I choose to not hurt myself by anything that is fake and false
I choose to not hurt myself by snap judgments that people pass on me all the time without knowing the truth and without making an attempt to know the truth
I choose to not hurt myself by refusing to accept the behavioural standards set by the society as the ultimate benchmark of civility’
I choose to not hurt myself by not feeling guilty if I am unable to fulfil unreasonable expectations
I choose not to hurt myself by refusing to ridicule and belittle anyone
I choose to not hurt myself by setting unreasonably high emotional expectations from those around me for they are human and are bound to fail
I choose to not hurt myself by completely trusting the power of truth’
I choose to not hurt myself by remembering my painful past
I choose to not hurt myself by refusing to apologise for the crimes that I did not commit
I choose to not hurt myself by not feeling guilty as against the wish of those who want me to feel guilty for no fault of mine
I choose to not hurt myself by those who feel better about themselves by ridiculing me and demeaning me
I choose to not hurt myself by those circumstances that are like passing clouds and will not last forever
I choose to not hurt myself by the sharp words that people use to hide their own weaknesses
I choose to not hurt myself by those who friends and relatives who left me when I needed them the most for I choose to forgive them and liberate myself off the clutches of expectations
I choose to not hurt myself by my changing fortune that is subject to change with the tides of time
I choose to not hurt myself by the judgements of social institutions for they are composed of human beings who are liable to err and fail
I choose to not hurt myself by those who try to give me false hopes for they are themselves sailing through the tumultuous ocean of life
I choose to not hurt myself through the small setbacks for they are not permanent and shall not last for ever
I choose to not hurt myself by the adverse changes in my body for I can, through self-determination regain back control
I choose to not hurt myself by the opinions that people hold about my physical appearance for I cannot determine and control the way I look and I choose to feel and look good the way I am without being apologetic about it
I choose to not hurt myself by those who are pretentious and superficial
I choose to not hurt myself if the future is not completely as per my projected expectations
I choose to not hurt myself by those circumstances which are beyond my control
I choose to not hurt myself by refusing to being unnecessarily competitive in my vocation
I choose to not hurt myself by refusing to look and judge at my life through society’s frame of reference
I choose to not hurt myself by not indulging in over analysis of reasons why things happened the way it happened
I call the above list as my “A to Z List of Hurt Elimination”. While you can use my list as guidance, I recommend that you make your own list on the basis of the way life has treated you thus far. This method of preparing the list of elimination is very powerful and catheterising. If you put it into practice, you will reach a stage wherein you will narrow down the scope of people, circumstances and events that have power over you and can consequentially hurt you. In the realm of choicelessness, this is the most powerful choice that you can make.
Don’t you aim and aspire to stand rock solid against the harsh waves of life? Don’t you wish to feel calm and strong and fully equipped and ready to fight out against the multiple headed demons of adversity? If yes, I would suggest you sleep over this quote and reduce, if not completely eliminate the possibility of getting hurt!